Wednesday, April 13, 2011

look behind you

I spent the entire evening exploring family history on ancestry.com and entering information from grandma's notebook. She made amazingly detailed notes and I want to eventually have every little thing recorded for posterity.

It makes me a little sad to finally clearly recognize the connections and appreciate them. I've met several of these people at family reunions but I was young and shy. They lived far away. Now they are gone.

I remember their interest in me during those once-a-year reunions. How sweet and loving they were toward me. I knew they understood where I fit into the family and yet, being young, I was too embarrassed to ask "How are you connected to me?" It seemed I should know that already and I didn't want to show my ignorance. I'm thinking specifically of my great uncles (my grandpa's brothers). I knew they were great uncles but not exactly what that meant.

Anyway, if only I could impart this knowledge and curiosity to my younger self in order to break out of the cocoon where the true me hid. I would have loved to know my great uncles more than just a once-a-year smile and hello. I wish I could go back and ask for their stories. I would have sat enthralled for hours as they told me all about their lives.

But no. I was shy. They would smile, look at me with deep interest and say "You are Scott's daughter aren't you." It wasn't a question but more an affirmation that they knew who I was.

I would give them a shy smile and respond "Yes I'm Scott's daughter." I didn't know exactly why they seemed to think I was important but I had great love and pride for my dad and guessed I must be important to them because of him. I would then slip away to sit in familiar comfort next to my mom and dad.

John Wesley Robbins (4x grandfather)
Martin Robbins (3x grandfather)
Thomas J. Robbins (2x grandfather)
Sherman Robbins (great grandfather)
Maxwell Robbins (grandpa) ... Noble, Verner, Gladys (granpa's siblings)
Scott Robbins (dad)
Tracy Robbins (me)

Ha, and that brings me full circle to this weightloss thing. I'm still working to break out of that cocoon that protects me from the imagined ridicule of the unknown masses. I'm getting better at it. The less I weigh the more confident I become.

 7am
90g sirloin (19.83 protein), 1/8 cup red beans (4 carbs), broccoli 2 carbs)

11am
90g sirloin (19.83 protein), 1/8 cup red beans (4 carbs), broccoli 2 carbs)

3pm
90g sirloin (19.83 protein), 1/8 cup red beans (4 carbs), broccoli 2 carbs)

8pm
90g sirloin (19.83 protein), 1/8 cup red beans (4 carbs), broccoli 2 carbs)

2 comments:

  1. I did my family history for a project in high school and picked up a couple of juicy nuggets (both true): one of my relatives went to prison after killing his father in a fight over a cigarette lighter and my uncle got so drunk that he ran into a train... in the middle. Some things are better left unknown...

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  2. Eek. You do come from some juicy roots. Was your uncle killed by the train?

    I know that one of my line was murdered and his body thrown into the street. I don't know which one and don't know how to find out since most of the elders in my family are gone. Maybe one of my cousins will know the tale.

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