Tuesday, June 26, 2012

being weird

Tomorrow night is Abraham Lincoln vampire hunter movie with Matt. He said he was at the dealership for 5 hours yesterday evening to get a 2012 Cruze. So cool! I can't wait to see it.

I've finally figured out the power behind my uncanny ability to make promises to self and not break them. It was fear. Years and years and years of day-in day-out fear. An irrational fear that if I break a promise I will jinx myself and somehow lose my job. Well, I didn't break a promise but I did lose that job and I know the strength of my promises to self need something else to hang on. I don't have the same kind of fear anymore. I always knew the strength of my promises was somehow tied in to my slight OCD. Does anyone else relate to what I'm saying or am I just weird?

Anyway, it's awesome not to be buried in fear anymore. Sure, I still have anxieties but that overwhelming and unrelenting fear of failing isn't weighing me down like it used to. I guess having failed and lived through it was actually good for me.

8am - chicken breast
more to come

2 comments:

  1. You're just weird.

    I'm thrilled to see you thriving in the freelance arena. There are pressures, headaches and worries aplenty but I'm pretty positive that no one is ever going to ask you to come into their office, close the door and then lower the boom. Your fate is in your own hands, and that is a very empowering feeling. There is a sense of security in having a 9 to 5 job, but the security is a false one; you're at the mercy of other people's decisions, and truthfully, you didn't have a 9 to 5 job. You went in at the butt-crack of dawn and worked like a demon. The only thing that's changed now is that you're the one set to reap the rewards of your busy days.

    And that's the way it SHOULD be.

    But you're still weird. ;)

    ReplyDelete

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